I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
farters have to be the big spoon...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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