how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
