1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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