Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
