Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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