it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
