Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
