The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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