I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
