I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
