Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
