we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Semen is not good for contacts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
