I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
