girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
be right there i have to get my cape
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
