I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
