nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
