i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
