yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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