Ambien. No doubt about it.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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