Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
