Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize