the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
