just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
