how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
