hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
