This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
