just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
