Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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