she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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