It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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