her vagine was all disorganized.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
