Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
