I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
