remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she smelled like a LAN party
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fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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