I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
