Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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