what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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