I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
