That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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