Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
