i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
