Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
