If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
