Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
