She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
