I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
