If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
