when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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