There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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