Redeem this text for a blowjob
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
