Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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