I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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