Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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