fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
