You're my little dorito
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This house was built for laser tag.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to sanitize my soul.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
