my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
