I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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