i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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