You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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