I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
