Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
