and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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