dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
