WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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