i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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