No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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