I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
