Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
