Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
