My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
