we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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