ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
