24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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