I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize