You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
